“You are not good enough”

“You are worthless”

“You will never achieve your goal”

These are phrases that we usually hear, or rather hear ourselves say - it’s that overtly harsh and judgemental inner voice, our inner critic, that constantly challenges our confidence and self worth. There are certain traits or characteristics that we dislike in our personality, which the inner critic picks on to make us feel insecure or inadequate.

For some, the inner critic can be so harsh that it can be debilitating. This is  especially true if you grew up in a particularly critical family, because your inner voice emulates the adult critic.  who used to emulates that critical voice.

This internal voice, which harshly judges actions and behaviour, can significantly impact mental well-being. Many people find themselves in a depressed or anxious mood due to this self-criticism. It is considered one of the most common and detrimental stressors, associated with various psychological issues such as depression, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, social anxiety, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline disorder.

So, how do we control our inner critic? We can do so by practising self-compassion.

What Is Self-Compassion?

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Self-compassion is a profound shift in perspective that can lead you to a more content and fulfilling life.

It involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend or a child when they are struggling.

Self-compassion is a practical and well-researched approach to manage the challenges that life throws our way.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion identifies three key components of self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness and understanding:  

When you practice self-compassion, you replace the harsh inner critic with a gentle, understanding voice. Instead of bowing down to the harsh judgement of your inner critic and believing in your shortcomings, you challenge these unkind thoughts and shut them down. Your reframe your negative thoughts with kindness and understanding.

For example, when in a tough situation, you say to yourself, “I need to soothe my fears and comfort myself with kindness and self care.”

2. Turning Toward Suffering: Unlike fleeting ways to feel better, self-compassion encourages you to face your fears head-on. You learn to  recognize and accept your “flaws” or “imperfections”. You accept that experiencing failures and shortfalls are part of navigating through life. Imagine treating yourself as a compassionate doctor would—diagnosing your suffering and actively seeking ways to relieve it.

3. Recognizing Our Shared Humanity: Self-compassion reminds you that suffering is universal - it is part of being a “human”. We all make mistakes, experience setbacks, and grapple with self-doubt. By recognizing this, we connect with others more empathically.

Benefits of Self-Compassion

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Resilience: Self-compassion strengthens our emotional resilience. When faced with challenges, we bounce back more gracefully because we’ve learned to be our own allies.

1. Reduced Stress: The soothing effect of self-compassion reduces stress hormones. It’s like wrapping ourselves in a warm, understanding embrace during tough times.

2. Improved Relationships: When we’re kinder to ourselves, we extend that kindness to others. Our interactions become more compassionate, fostering healthier relationships.

Silencing your inner critic can be a transformative journey. Here are effective techniques to weaken its power and cultivate self-compassion:

1. The ACT Approach:

Acknowledge: Identify your inner critic. Label it without judgment.

Curious Observation: Observe its chatter without getting entangled. Let it pass like clouds drifting across the sky.

Letting Go: Release its grip. Don’t cling to its negativity.  

2. Mindfulness:

Breathing Awareness: When critical thoughts arise, pause. Take five deep breaths. Count them. Ground yourself in the present moment.

Sound Awareness: Listen to the sounds around you for 30 seconds. Let them anchor you in reality.

Music Therapy: Play an upbeat song you love. Let its rhythm drown out the critic’s voice.

3. Reprogramming Your Brain:

Mindful Practice: Consistently practice mindfulness. Focus on your breath. Observe thoughts without judgment.

Neuroplasticity: Reprogram your brain by watching thoughts flow by. Don’t get caught up in them. Train your mind to silence the critic.

4. Self-Compassion:

Kindness to Self: Treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Replace self-criticism with gentle encouragement.

Embrace Imperfection: Accept your flaws; they’re part of shared humanity.

Positive Inner Dialogue: Rewrite your narrative. Cultivate a calm, steadying voice that whispers, "You’re enough".

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By understanding and incorporating the principles of self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness, you can nurture the soul within, fostering a compassionate relationship with yourself.

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey.

Be kind to yourself—you’re doing better than you know.