When you are casually walking and pass by any reflective surface, be it a mirror or the rear view mirror of someone’s car, what do you see first? Let me rephrase that question: What do you think of what you see? If you say that one strand of your hair that just does not seem to sit right, a crease at the bottom of your top, or that enormous pimple that just won’t go away, then you’re not alone.  A plethora of factors, such as immediate environments and the media we consume, shape the idea of “The Perfect _____”. All you have to do is fill in the blank, and a thousand different definitions will be thrown at you. 

Let me throw at you the definition of perfectionism.

The (im)Perfect Definition

Perfectionism refers to the act of constantly setting unrealistic standards of perfection for yourself or others. It can be applied to anything right from accomplishments to looks to the ways of going about daily routines. As quick as they are to find faults, they are equally quick in brushing off accomplishments. 

This exceedingly critical view of oneself in terms of looks or accomplishments, striving to be perfect is known as self oriented- perfectionism.

Think of this criticism as a cloud. As you begin feeding more negativity and rigidity into yourself, this cloud gets denser, obscuring your view of reality. Eventually your self image begins to weave itself around this cloud, as you engage in this constant comparison.

Photo by  Annie Spratt Team  on  Unsplash

It’s great to be motivated, and one should be in the pursuit of goals. However this motivation should never blind you of the path you have already walked. It can be difficult, sometimes daunting to overcome the perfectionist mindset. We can gradually do so with these baby steps

When such negative and detrimental thoughts just pour into your head, just block the flow for a moment. Ask yourself whether these thoughts about yourself are actually things to consider or if they are simply trying to intimidate you. Taking this step back takes you a step closer to the real picture. 

Think of the ‘perfect’ as the north line on a map. The comparison mindset always places you in relation to this north line. How much do you deviate from the north line and prompts you to constantly strive to ‘get back in line’. Everybody has different factors that play onto where they are now- genetics, personal beliefs, conditioning, environments, peers, etc. The interplay of these factors constitutes what we are as individuals and it’s a different blend for each one of us, which makes the idea of comparison completely irrelevant. The only person that you can and should compare yourself with is you. 

When you wake up, just before you think about the things you have to get done for the day, think about three things that you have already got done. This daily habit gives you the little sprinkle of accomplishment that fuels you to think positive and instil a sense of confidence in you.

Let me jog your memory with the infamous grounding technique:

Think about: 

5 things that you can see

4 things that you can touch

3 things that you can hear

2 things that you can smell 

1 thing that you can taste

As you think about these sensations, be grateful for your ability to experience and immerse yourself in these sensations. This technique not just grounds yourself but also reminds you about the simple pleasures in life that we simply take for granted.

As much as you express gratitude to everyone and everything around you, it's equally important if not more to express gratitude to yourself. Thank yourself and appreciate it for getting through what you have got through. Thank yourself for being by your side through the good, bad and ugly. Buy yourself a box of red velvet cupcakes or give yourself that afternoon nap that you didn’t know you actually needed. 

Photo by  Sam Haddad Team  on  Unsplash

Divergent thinking refers to the ability to come up with multiple solutions to a given problem. This style of thinking enables you to think about the same problem through multiple lenses. The definitions of perfect and imperfect are our mental compartments, which obscure us from seeing the bigger and most definitely real picture.

It Helps to Heart It Out

It helps to have a heartfelt conversation with another human bean. It gives us fresh insights that may question your self-criticism. This can be a family member, a friend or any individual that you feel comfortable confiding in. We at Heart It Out would be delighted to assist you in your mental health journey. Come, Heart It Out with us here.