Ever got stuck in dark thoughts like:

"I am Not Enough"

"I am Not Worthy"

"I cannot achieve anything"

"I am Burden to Everyone"

"I will not make any effort because in the end, things will never changeI am weak"

"I am very low"

"I don't want to get up out of the bed"

Usually, when a person faces Trauma, Abuse, Bullying, Betrayal, Breakup, etc these thoughts take a home inside the brain and slowly build into an action showing Physical Symptoms like Anxiety, Fear of getting out of the home, Shivering, Panic Attacks, Digestive Problems, Muscle Pain, etc

Understanding the Root Cause of Negative Self-Talk

Where do these thoughts start generating from? Few Basic concerns due to which Negative Self-Talk takes a home in the brain and as follows

1. Comparison: With the Sudden Increase in the usage of Social Media, it is very common that people end up Comparing Themselves with others without realizing that we never know what other people's struggles are. People show their idealized form of themselves after applying Many filters. We can only see their positive side their achievements, etc but the challenges they have and struggles they face are hidden.

2. Criticism: Usually, what we constantly hear on a day-to-day basis we start believing the same. Two twin sisters Sia and Ria were observed based on the conversation they have on a daily basis with their Mom. Sia was constantly told that you are not good enough, You could not achieve anything, You could not do anything right, etc while Ria was accepted and loved usually things like You are a very good person, I am Proud of you, I love you, Mistakes are a part of life and I like that you take Efforts. After Observation, the result was Sia was very timid mostly scared, self-conscious always doubting themself, and Ria was a very confident Positive, and healthy person.

3. Trauma:  Trauma indicates any negative Experience that was very difficult to cope so as a result of ongoing Psychological, Emotional, and Physical Problems. Common Symptoms which often a person faces often because of Trauma are Shame, Guilt, Fear, Anxiety, Sleep difficulties, etc. Severeness of the Problem occurs from the intensity and nature of Trauma. Healing from it depends from person to person some may take time while some can heal soon.

4. Perfectionism: In Today's time, everyone needs to be perfect, to look perfect to speak perfectly to walk perfectly, and to have a perfect career, relationship, etc but it's not in our hands what the future holds. People often ignore that we never know what future we will have it's like we should make an effort but in case we don't land into things that seemed perfect to us we shouldn't stop.

5. Internalized Beliefs: When we listen to something mostly knowingly or unknowingly we tend to start believing it. If a person internalizes negative Self Image of themselves Negative Self Talk becomes a habit.

Photo by  sydney Rae Team  on  Unsplash

Below are the steps that can be taken to Challenge Negative Self Talk and Boos Self Confidence and Self Esteem:

1. Challenging Negative Thoughts:

Any thought that comes to your mind ask yourself about the evidence. For Example, if you have a thought that You are Not Enough, Mention the Evidence why you feel such. Each and every human being has some strengths and Weaknesses, if we are not good enough at one thing doesn't mean we can label ourselves completely.

2. Self Awareness:

It is very essential for us to be aware of what is going on inside our minds. To become Self Aware one can start Practicing Mindfulness, Regular Exercise, Journaling, spending time in hobbies, reflecting, etc

3. Stop Comparison:

Limiting the usage of social media can help to reduce comparison. Also each and every individual has their own challenges in life with the different resources they have we never know how it would feel being in others' shoes.

4. Self Compassion:

Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone who you love in a very empathetic, loving, respectful manner. 

5. Being with Supportive People:

Spend time with friends and family members who are supportive. Join a community or Group Therapy to boost you and Cheer you up.

6. Explore Strengths and Weakness:

Mention your Strengths and write 5 things which you felt good about yourself that particular day. For Weakness, Every day is a Journey to improve yourself by making mistakes. With those mistakes, we learn a lifetime lesson. 

7. Set Realistic and Achievable Goals:

Plan a long-term goal for 5 years and to achieve that a shorter goal say 1 year and a bit shorter to 1 day goal and according to that Set a To Do List for that Particular Day.

Building self-confidence and self-esteem is a gradual process, so patience is the key. Following these steps regularly would definitely help you out, but this is not the only solution. If you feel that there are some issues that are difficult to manage, we at Heart It Out are here to support you. Heart It Out provides personalised assistance from experienced therapists available online as well as offline services in Bangalore.