As literature in Psychology describes, self-sabotage is a process of sabotaging one’s success, or potential success through self-detrimental act, thought or both. A lot of it arises from negative beliefs about oneself or sometimes because of the fear of failure. We may at times undermine our abilities, thus rendering ourselves in a state of inability to get the best out of whatever it is that we need to accomplish. 

In an already stressful society that we live in, our mental health issues, specifically the tendency to be ‘self-sabotaging’ of oneself are quite a concern. Of the many causes for this behaviour, some important ones are: 

Cognitive Dissonance : An internal mental conflict arises when actions differ from intentions or beliefs. For instance, finding reasons to skip a fitness session, through self-detrimental justifications like “I am not good, anyway”. 

Attachment Styles : Attachment is something that governs our behaviour to an extent that’s beyond our estimation. Attachment is heavily affected by past relationships - parental, friendship, mentor or teachers, romantic or even professional. Someone with an anxious attachment style might unexplainably push away partners to defend themselves from ‘possible abandonment’. 

Perfectionism : A relentless pursuit of flawlessness, often masks deep-rooted fear of failure or inadequacy. This mindset drives individuals to set impossibly high standards for themselves, fostering an environment of constant stress and dissatisfaction. Paralyzed by the fear of not meeting these standards, they may procrastinate or avoid tasks altogether, sabotaging their own progress. 

Past Trauma: Troubled childhood, witnessing abuse, death or violence of a great degree, and familial conflicts can all lead to low self-worth, thus rendering one in a state of self-sabotage.

How Can We Cope?

Being mindful of the condition helps. Getting help from a professional to identify, acknowledge, accept and work on it goes a long way in healing if not completely curing oneself of the condition. All of it helps one identify triggers and gain a headway on the symptoms that follow. When one reaches the acceptance stage, one can start challenging the negative self-talk, and replace it with positive self-talk, gratitude, and practising credit attribution on oneself. At the centre of it all, practising self-compassion becomes imperative in succeeding in this ardent journey of coping with self-sabotage. 

The book "Stop Self-Sabotage" by Judy Ho is a good self-help book to help. It discusses self-sabotage and how to overcome it. The book explains why people self-sabotage and provides strategies to stop this behaviour. Dr. Ho uses a six-step program to help people identify their triggers and develop new habits. The book also includes exercises to help people make positive changes.

Dr Judy Ho outlines a powerful 6-step program to combat self-sabotage, the culprit behind missed opportunities and unfulfilled goals. 

Step 1: Awareness is Key:  The journey begins with recognizing the negative self-talk that fuels self-sabotage. Once you identify these thoughts, you can challenge their validity. 

Step 2: Silence the Inner Critic:  Replace negativity with positive affirmations. Dr Ho suggests repeating positive statements to counter self-doubt and build confidence. 

Step 3: Revamp Your Habits:  With a clearer mindset, it's time to tackle the self-destructive behaviours holding you back. Consider changes to your lifestyle, relationships, or career to align them with your goals. 

Step 4: Set Achievable Goals:  Break down your aspirations into smaller, attainable milestones. Celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how small, to build momentum. 

Step 5: Maintain Focus:  Staying on track is crucial. Create a vision board, a visual representation of your goals, to keep them at the forefront of your mind. 

Step 6: Visualise Success:  Plan your journey. Develop a goal chart or a timeline to visualise your progress and stay motivated.

Dr. Ho emphasises the importance of self-compassion throughout this process. 

Be patient, celebrate your wins, and surround yourself with supportive people. Remember, everyone struggles with self-sabotage, but with awareness and a step-by-step approach, you can overcome it and achieve your full potential.

If you feel like you're stuck in an endless cycle of self-sabotage, it's time to break free. Reach out to a mental health professional at Heart It Out today!